One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
