Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
