help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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