sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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