I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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