I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
