my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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