3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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