Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
