You're my little dorito
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I can't turn off my feet"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
