an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
