I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
