hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
