fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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