would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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