you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
