I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
