Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
