Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
