I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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