I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
