Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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