The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
