I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
