i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
