Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize