I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
