I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
