I can text with my tongue
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
