I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
