Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
