Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
