i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize