Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
