This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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