please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
