i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
