I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
