but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Say something about gay babies.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
