I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
