My nipple is on Facebook.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
