you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
