Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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