i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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