the condom got lost in my hair
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
