im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
