Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I woke up under a house in Key West
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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