Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
