just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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