8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
