oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I need water and some morals
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
