Too much gin, very little bucket
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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