I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
