She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize