Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
