I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
