didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize