he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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