I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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