Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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