I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
