Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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