You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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