Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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