Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
