My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
