I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
