Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
