It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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