I looked at my own cervix.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
