I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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