Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
