I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
