so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
