Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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