just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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