So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
