using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
