Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
