I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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