I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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